RaNdom ThouGhTs of an iNdiE giRL

i struggled to keep the pain

to be strong and be sane

i’m sorry to keep you waiting

i had to test my pacing

now i know i should let go

i’ll start to get over you

this is not the life you wanted

it is the one you dreaded

now this is it…

farewell to you my sweet love.

something’s just not right with me this past few days.  i took flight to hide from myself and took refuge to anything i could read to conceal my misery. and just out of nowhere, i found this booklet sharing this one song i kept humming to myself until this very moment…

IRIS by Goo Goo Dolls

Verse 1

And I’d give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be
And I don’t want to go home right now

Verse 2

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it’s over
I just don’t want to miss you tonight
Chorus

And I don’t want the world to see me
Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

Verse 3

And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive

Chorus

And I don’t want the world to see me
Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
Chorus

I don’t want the world to see me
Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

well…it just touched me.  because somehow, along the way, i wished someone will understand me.  just that.

but hey! i don’t feel miserable anymore.  with compliments to the song.

it was just one of those times in my life when i need to wake up and be reminded that a human existence would only be completely understood and figured out by no one but himself.  we exist to live.  and living entails knowing other living creatures around us, not necessarily understanding everyone.  if we came to love someone along the way, it is not essential to completely fathom their existence, we just have to love them for whatever they are.

I leave the gas on, walk the alleys in the dark
sleep with candles burning, I leave the door unlocked
I’m weaving a rope and, running all the red lights
did I get your attention cause I’m sending all the signs (that)
the clock is ticking, and I’ll be giving my two weeks
pick your favorite shade of black, you best prepare a speech
say something funny, say something sweet
but don’t say that you loved me

I’m still breathing
And we’ve been dead for a while
this sickness has no cure
we’re going down for sure
already lost a grip
best abandoned ship

Maybe I was too pale, maybe I was too fat
maybe you had better, better luck in the sack
no formal education and I swore way to much
but I swear you didn’t care cause we were in love
so as I write this letter and shed my last tear
it’s all for the better than we had this year
lets close this chapter, say one last prayer
but don’t say that you loved me

I’m still breathing
And we’ve been dead for a while
this sickness has no cure
we’re going down for sure
we’ve been diagnosed, so lets give up the ghost
Cause I’m still breathing
And we’ve been dead for a while
this sickness has no cure
we’re going down for sure
already lost a grip
best abandon ship

…oh I’m still breathing…
…I’m still breathing…